The Bard’s Path

Druid Settlement in North America

Nicknamed “Chicken Henge”

Reported by Dane DeForest

Distributed by Rooter News Network: for those who can’t see the farce for the trees – “We root out the news at the edge of reality.”

Evidence of a Druid settlement in North America has been found, according to confidential sources. The exact location remains undisclosed but the mention of giant mosquito carcasses suggests that it may be in MN.

The structure - as seen in the accompanying photo - resembles the standing stones of Stonehenge. Investigators have noted the presence of chicken feathers and fowl fecal matter, bee hives, mugwort and stinging nettles as significant indicators of specific human activity. It was the chicken feathers that first led to the nickname “Chicken Henge.”

It appears that chickens were an essential feature of this settlement. Since there is little evidence of chickens consumed on site, experts conclude that “the chicken was a kind of fetish animal, admired for its eggs as symbols of creation, and the frequent copulation of roosters for vitality,” says expert Randy Peters. “The main functions of the rooster,” Peters goes on, “were protection and procreation and so is an excellent symbol for a warrior.”

A miniscule amount of human blood was found, but not enough to suggest a sacrificial cult. Any possible human sacrifice at this site was, at most, recreational or accidental. The two plants – mugwort and stinging nettles – “point to a protective and cleansing function of the latter, and mind alteration by the former,” says plant expert Herb Sagely. The presence of nearby bee hives, says entomologist Melissa von Hun, points to “not only an awareness of the sweetness of life, but also of the intoxicating properties of mead.”

Archeologist Woody Johnson (using a compass) indicated that the site is oriented to the four directions, with an emphasis on the North-South axis as shown by the dimensions of the standing wood (using actual measurements). There is an opening on the South side, probably to honor and receive the warmth of the sun (which would have been a significant issue if the site is, indeed, located in MN as suspected).

A diagonal pole, seen in the photo, points to the North Star. This becomes significant when coupled (so to speak) with the upright center pole: one pole pointing to the pole star around which the heavens revolve, and the other pole around which the henge and this society would (figuratively-speaking) revolve. Cambridge pole expert M.G. Elder judges that it was a common thing for such settlements to have a central pole honored as a tree (often surrounded by chickens) as the Pole-Tree, from which comes our modern word poultry.

Doubts that this might not be a Druid site were dashed at the discovery of the adjoining trilithon, which was accompanied by a circle of flat stones discretely embedded in the earth, directly to the west of the henge, as well as the beehives. See the second photo.

A local Druid elder calls the find “intriguing” but he has been excluded from the investigations because he might actually know something about the subject. He told this reporter about ancient references to feathered cloaks, spirit flight, unusual chants (crowing?) and, of course, the fabled “Druid’s Egg,” not to mention the cultivation of bees and brewing of sacred mead. He mentioned the travels of Bran the Navigator as a possible means of intercourse between the continents. There are also, I might note, local rumors about another Druid settlement at one time having been centered around something called the “Swift Coon” – possibly related to a local town called “Coon Rapids.”

The location has been kept secret in order to prevent masses of visitors that would threaten the fragility of the site, especially while investigations continue throughout the year to determine if there is a relationship between the placement of the uprights and the rising and setting of the sun and/or moon. My sources tell me that the site has now been disguised as an ordinary chicken coup and yard in order to maintain its secrecy and to prevent aerial discovery. This has become even more important since a small local (and aberrant) religious group has expressed an interest in finding and destroying the site because it threatens their view of the way things should be. They have to date been unsuccessful.

The experts expect to have their report ready in about a year, which will be called “Chicken Coup for the Soul.”

The Henge of Keltria—Druidism for the 21st Century
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