Henge
Happenings
The Official Newsletter for Members of the Henge
of Keltria.
Imbolc 2004 - Issue #61
From the Vice President --
Feast of Stirring 2004
What I Did on my Yuletide Vacation….
One of the responsibilities of the Vice President is to promote membership in the Henge of Keltria. This is mostly accomplished by attending festivals and other events to speak to people directly. Needless to say, that the winter season is rather sleepy in many ways.
I usually don’t relate personal stories, however, I’ll make an exception here. I have to admit that I’m a SURVIVOR junkie. It’s great winter sport to fantasize about being on a deserted tropical island, living off the land by one’s wits. Could I really do it? I take stock of my middle age assets, and believe that I could.
It never occurred to me to actually make an audition tape in send it in to the show. However, one cold and snowy day, insanity struck. I had the television on for background noise as I worked in my studio. Out of the corner of one ear, I caught an advertisement for SURVIVOR auditions being held at our local mall. This surprised me a bit. Who would think that they would bother doing this way out here in West -by God- Virginia? This was an obvious sign that I was meant to apply. (Please note that my tongue is placed firmly in my cheek as I write this.) So apply I did.
Filling out the application in itself was great sport. It was an opportunity to fantasize about being somewhere exotic and warm, while the wind blew sideways outside. It also was a fun exercise to explain how this middle-aged suburban housewife (no, I really don’t think of myself this way, but it makes good copy.) would be the final survivor. The questions were a lot of fun. For example, “Who would you want to be marooned on an island with?” Well, that is self-evident. Losers. “Who would you NOT want to be marooned with?” The obvious answer is “Winners”.
The next task was to put together a three-minute sales pitch for the videotape as to why they should choose me. It may sound easier than it was. Back and forth and forth and back in the kitchen went I - gesticulating and doing my best to commit the script to memory and adhere to the time constraint. I was certain that having to wear my “cheaters” to refer to notes would not be in my best interest.
Audition day arrived and oddly enough, I found myself first in line. As people began to filter in behind me, we immediately began to form alliances joking all the while about how we would “show ‘em how it’s done in West Virginny” and how we would spend the prize money. I met many interesting people that day and collected a few phone numbers to keep in touch. After hours of patiently waiting, joking with new friends and trying to study my script, it was time to make the tape. I took my place in front of the camera and the bright lights. The cameraman explained what signals he would use to indicate time and then said, “Okay, go!” Have you ever seen a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car? It’s that wide-eyed, panic-stricken look. Everything that was so carefully plotted and rehearsed fled my mind or more likely found a place to hide behind some mental laundry, sheepishly peeking out. My lips moved like a guppy’s for a few seconds as I attempted to cajole it from its hiding place. Then the dam burst. By gory, I went through three minutes worth of material in less than two. I left the filming room and passed before the waiting hopefuls whacking my forehead with my folder filled with useless words. Oh well…..
So at any rate, if you hold your arms way out wide and hold your hands like you are indicating a really big fish, you can say you know someone who came “this close” to being a contestant on SURVIVOR.
So, what does this have to do with the office of Vice-President. In my colorful fantasy world, I saw myself making a mark for "Druidkind" and sparking interest in our Order. In reality, I keep my religious cards very close to my chest - expecially here in the Bible Belt, so the likelyhood of media attention is nil. However, it was great sport to imagine being someplace moist and lush and green while the dark, grey clouds obscure the pale winter sun.
- Wren
